So, this is the first post of my new site. A few people to visit here might remember my old site for my web comic Ankhammentu or might know me from DeviantArt, but for a lot of people who know me in real life, my art is kind of new.
I’ve been making digital art for something like 15 years, with long periods off, and not including my time in school (which I will write about another day). But I’ve never felt comfortable with being open and calling it mine. There were reasons for this.
- My main subject matter is life drawing, mainly female form and pinup. It’s not the kind of thing that everyone can accept and understand. But I’ve loved this style of art for a long time, and it’s what I’m good at.
- I went through a long and dark period in my life, when I really tried to focus on being grown up, letting go of all of my personal interests and hustling to make money. This time left me sad and in debt. I felt guilty about using my time for anything unprofitable, so I took long breaks from art.
- Art was discouraged by someone close to me. I forgive myself now, and I forgive this person, but there it was. Pinup art was removed from my comic collection.
- I felt like a fraud. I avoided drawing, because I didn’t understand how much bad drawing you have to do before improvement begins.
Despite all of this, I still created. Most of it wasn’t good, and looking back, it was a really inefficient way to learn. (See the image featured in this post.) But any kind of practice brings improvement. And when my life started to clear up, I had an opportunity to make art out in the open, if I could find the courage to do it.
Very gradually, I started to open up. I shared my DeviantArt page with my girlfriend (now my wife), my first family member to ever see any of my art. I began making vectors and digital paintings again, and being less and less secretive. It was ok to work on projects without any financial benefit.
And some time after that, I got the courage to pick up a pencil. The results were tragic at first, but each day I’m improving. I’m no longer the impatient kid that I was in college. I have a great job and a great family, and I have all the time in the world to improve. I’m going to make a lot of art in this second half of my life, and it’s not all going to be good, but you’d better believe that some of it will be.
Thanks to all of my friends and family, both online and offline, who are with me.